Listen and establish what happened

Thank your child for telling you and let them explain in their own words. Ask about the behaviour, where and when it happens, who is involved and whether an adult has seen it. Avoid promising secrecy if information needs to be shared to keep them safe.

A single disagreement and a repeated pattern may require different responses, but both can deserve adult attention. You do not need to settle a definition before asking school to investigate. Be clear about immediate concerns such as threats, injury, discriminatory abuse or a child being afraid to enter a particular place.

Keep a factual record

Write down dates, locations, the behaviour described and any impact on the child. Note who was told and what response followed. For online messages, preserve relevant details such as usernames, dates and ordinary message evidence, without replying in anger or circulating it among other families.

Do not download, forward or make extra copies of sexual images involving children. Tell the school’s safeguarding contact or police about that situation and follow their reporting advice. Keep the record secure and focused. A concise chronology helps adults identify patterns more effectively than a stream of unsorted screenshots and speculation.

Report through the school’s procedure

Contact the teacher, pastoral lead or designated safeguarding contact as appropriate. Explain what you know, distinguish direct observations from your child’s account and ask for the matter to be investigated. Read the school’s anti-bullying and behaviour procedures so you know how concerns are recorded and reviewed.

Ask for a named contact and a response timeframe. Schools may be unable to tell you private details about another pupil, but they can explain the actions intended to protect and support your child. The discussion should focus on safety, monitoring and stopping the behaviour, not only on whether a punishment has been issued.

Agree immediate support

Identify the places and times when your child feels unsafe. Ask what supervision or support will be available there and whom the child should approach. A plan might cover breaktimes, travel between rooms, arrival or a lunchtime activity, depending on the situation.

Involve the child in discussing the plan. An arrangement that feels conspicuous or removes them from an activity they enjoy may need reconsideration. Avoid making the child carry the burden of changing all their routines while the harmful behaviour continues. Ask how adults will monitor what happens and check whether the response is working.

Address online behaviour alongside school life

Online incidents can affect friendships and confidence in school even when messages are sent at home. Tell school when pupils or school relationships are involved. Use the relevant service’s reporting and blocking tools, and review privacy settings together.

Do not encourage retaliation or an adult confrontation with another child. Help your child step away from harmful exchanges and keep a reliable route for asking for help. Explain that sharing or joining in with humiliating material can harm others too. Where a crime may have occurred, seek police advice; call 999 if someone is in immediate danger.

Follow up and escalate when necessary

Agree a review date and tell the school if incidents continue or change. Ask what the next action will be and keep a record of the response. If the school’s handling remains unsatisfactory, use its complaints process or the appropriate safeguarding route. The procedures depend on the country and school type.

Continue to check your child’s experience without making every conversation about bullying. Support access to trusted people and enjoyable activities. The useful outcome is sustained safety and belonging, with a child who knows that adults take their concerns seriously and will keep checking whether the plan is effective.

Your quick checklist

  • Listen and note the child’s account.
  • Record incidents and previous reports factually.
  • Contact the appropriate school adult promptly.
  • Agree immediate support and a review date.
  • Escalate unresolved concerns through the correct procedure.
More tools for your family

Common questions

Should I tell my child to fight back?

Focus on getting to safety and involving trusted adults. Retaliation can increase risk and make the situation harder to resolve.

Can school help with bullying that happens online at home?

Tell the school when pupils or school relationships are involved. It can consider the effect on school life alongside the platform’s reporting process.

What if the school cannot share the other child’s punishment?

It may need to protect another pupil’s privacy. Ask instead what will protect your child, stop the behaviour and show whether the response is working.

Sources & checking

This guide was checked against the publications below. They are listed by name so you can identify the underlying guidance. Arrangements can change, and the school or relevant education authority can confirm what applies to your child.

  • UK Government — Reporting bullying at school
  • Department for Education — Complain about a state school
  • UK Government — Kids Online Safety: online bullying

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